Tonight as I took the chihuahuas out for a "stroll", the sky was the most magnificent Maxfield Parrish blue. My camera cannot capture the color and peace of it unfortunately. Thank God for my eyes, my hands, my heart. I am so grateful.
Lately this heart has been particularly tender and I don't know why. As I was sorting through papers the other day in a vain attempt to organize, I found a copy of my brothers eulogy at my mothers funeral, as I read through it tears streamed down my face and I wept as I have not done for ages. My mother. How I loved her and how much, for all my life I tried for her approval.
Because I believe so intensely that life goes on and there is life after death, I know my mother lives on as does my dad. They are aware of us and how we feel about them. They know we love them and they continue to love us and work for our benefit.
Though I wish intensely that my parents could see my wonderful sons here in this plane, I know they see them and are aware of how good and strong and clean and decent and righteous they are, what magnificent young men they have become.
My parents would be filled with pride and love for them just like I am.
Yesterday, in the grocery store there was a young man about the same age as my sons. He was a large kid there with his parents. They were obviously doting, loving parents and they were trying to keep their exuberant son just a little more quiet. He was not an average young man, he expressed child-like joy in a special treat promised by his father, his laughter and boisterous skipping was infectious. He laughed loudly, smiled ear to ear, skipped with enthusiasm, hugged his dad constantly, and as I watched him, I wept. There in the cold cereal aisle, tears streamed down my face as I was utterly filled with love for this wonderful young man.
Some people would call him handicapped, some, handi-capable which ever label one prefers, it does not matter, his innocence and absolute love and joy stands as an example to all. We spend so much time and energy is angst about what others think of us or what we have compared to others. We waste our lives in the consumption and acquiring of things, the constant quest for status and wealth. When was the last time any of us skipped? How many of us would dare? What would people think? What would they say? Perhaps the biggest question would be, what would it matter?
Joy. It is the simplest of things and yet the most elusive. Love. Even more elusive, at least the kind of love that requires nothing in return, and yet this young man who so many would consider lacking had both in abundance. My love and admiration goes out to his parents, they have a hard job. Despite what their son has and gives so abundantly this world has little appreciation for his gifts and life is difficult at best for those with a special needs child.
God bless his parents and him. God bless my sons. And God bless all of us who will never know that kind of unadulterated joy in this life. May we have it in the next.