moms

Though these paintings have been posted before on this blog, I am revisiting them as I have thinking so much lately of mothers grandmothers and children.  Another artist I follow has been posting often of her paintings of Madonna images ( that is you Janet ),  I love the freedom and expressiveness of her work.  My work is  much more, hmmm how does one describe it, anal?  Too often does detail consume me and I forget the whole.

 This one of the Amish woman was done for a book published years ago called Grandmothers Wonderful Wisdom.

 This one was done for a book proposal on mothers and lullaby poetry, the Koala and Polar bear pictures on the sidebar of the blog were part of the proposal. It was not accepted.

The last painting is one of my favorites. Though it was done years ago, I still like it, usually I hate my own work.  This painting is full of symbolism, from the ossuary motifs to the pomegranates and gold in the border.

For a very long time  now, I have had a dearth of creative spirit. Perhaps if I re-visited this favored motif it would regenerate the barren soul? I don't know.  Faces of children enchant me, the relationships between women and their offspring is so interesting to me.  A man can walk away from their child and sadly too often do, but a woman cannot ever totally sever herself from her child.
 Even if a child is born unwanted or even hated the bond is still there,  I think often of a woman I know who has lived a horrific life of betrayal and misery with family who used her, sold her repeatedly,and left her mentally and physically broken yet she still desires to love her mother, a nearly impossible task.  Occasionally her mother reaches out to her but she has learned the relationship is so toxic, for self preservation she has little to do with any family. Yet the desire for love is still there on both sides. 
I have come to the conclusion and it is grows stronger with time that our family is an eternal concept not just that family will continue on but family is a continuation of relationships before this mortal life. 
We must have loved our family before we came here, before they and us were corrupted and changed by the sin, temptations and sorrows of this world.  We must have loved them before the veil of forgetfulness fell between  us and  our immortality.

As you know, those who read  my blog, we had a flood in the basement, there was a large wooden chest that needed to be moved, it was mostly filled with my mothers things, stashed from her death twelve years ago.
Much of it was stuff I had given her or made for her, several porcelain dolls I made from scratch, with complex clothing etc, and I realized once again how often I had tried to "buy" my mothers love.  We had a difficult relationship to say the least, I was a different child, artistic, and could not toe the line of perfection she so so wanted from me, my sister could and did therefore she was favored.  There was no unconditional love in our house.  I was over thirty when I finally realized my mother did love me she did not like me there is a difference.
The point I am trying to made I guess, though it seems I am rambling, is I loved my mother, she loved me and the love was there long before we entered the mother daughter relationship. 

The relationships between mother and child, glorious, difficult, tense rewarding, exhausting, trying, uplifting, refining, satisfying, heart-breaking and permanent.
How can we ever deny or sever the relationship with this person who by the grace of God gives us our physical body and sets us on the path to eternity? This is the most sacred of Gods requests of us, to work in conjunction with Him to prepare a physical body for another spirit.  This is sacred territory, birth, it is so close to God himself and His creative power.  There is no greater joy in this life and no greater trial, expect maybe marriage.

Well that's enough for now, I gotta go feed the chickens.

Tuesday, I think.

If it seems like I have not been doing anything interesting lately, it is because I have not been doing anything interesting.....will try to do better.

sorry.

Wow. I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote. Sorry about that.

It was November since I wrote. Things have been a touch stressful in the last two months. 
On December seventh my husband was working with the strike force officers watching the liquor store for parolees who are not supposed to be in possession of alcohol, the boys and I were out getting groceries so we decided to run by the liquor store and pretend to buy beer or something, we don't drink at all but we thought it would be funny knowing Tim was watching the place. 
When we got there he was in the process of making an arrest.  We drove right past him but he was so busy lectureing the guy in the back of the squad car he didin't see us, it was good for the boys to see Dad in action.
On the way home it started to storm, we were talking and I said how very grateful I was to not be in the hospital this year, the knee surgery was so hard on me.
At home one of the boys went to work, the other with a friend and the third onto the computer, I went outside to check on the birds....and I fell and did a massive face plant.  Right away I knew I had broken my nose, the fountain of blood and the misplaced nose was a dead give away, and instant nausea, oh my gosh I had no idea breaking facial bones could make a person so sick.  Son number three called son number two and they took me to the ER where Tim had pulled of the surveillance and met us there. Eventually son number one showed up. They had a great time making fun of their mother, every time they made me laugh it hurt.  So my nose and frontal bone was broken and I had a concussion. Lovely.
Then the next week we had a sewer flood and backup in the basement. Lovely. 
It was so stressful I though I was going to lose my mind, I was still so sick from the concussion.
Then Christmas, which was storming like crazy and we were supposed to travel to my sisters. Husbutt was reluctant to even go so he was a bit of an ass, but after everyone pulled their attitudes out their rectums we had a really good time and traveled safely.  On the twenty-sixth of December I had surgery to repair  my nose and it went very well, much easier than the Dr. had prepared me for, the bones slipped into place and they did not use morphine and that was a great blessing. I don't do well with morphine, it tends to stop me from breathing.
The flood restoration company has the basement family room torn apart, the last few days they have been replacing sheet rock and bead board. It seems they jarred a clamp loose on the  main water line coming into the house and it started leaking, I had to take the sawzall to the new sheet rock to expose where the leak was and call in a plumber. Lovely. He finally showed up today to address the problem, the water had to be shut off from the city line, the city guys arrived to shut the water off, the line broke.  There was a twelve foot high geyser in the drive way. Lovely. 
There was swear words involved, and not just mine.  It is a good thing it happened today and not yesterday, today it was at least above zero and not below like it was yesterday.
Miracle the ancient handicapped duck is in the house now, the other birds cornered him and beat him to a bloody rag. He is recovering but I must admit having a stinky duck in the house is a bit much, but until the wound on the back of his neck and head heal, he can't go back outside.  Scoliosis the chicken is inside too, the below zero weather is so hard on her, she is a screwed up little mess and needs a bit of extra care.  She had been sleeping with the chihuahuas and lays her eggs in their bed.
The sub-zero temps have been brutal on the birds, Benjamin the turkey was shivering, he is now sporting a wool sweater and he seems to not be shivering as much. Poor guy, his big fat tummy is nekkid and he was miserable.
Fluffy McNutter the grey cat who decide to live here, is gettin along well though Tasmanian does not like him much, its a cat thing.
My blood pressure had been sky high, can't imagine why.

This next few days I will be painting the storage room, and laundry room. Yeah.  As soon as I get everything moved back into those rooms, we can get the family room addressed and the  new carpet laid.  This really had been a mess.  On the bright side, I am hoping to finally finish laying the wood on the stairs which had to be postponed a year ago when I had the knee replaced.  Things will all work out, it always does and the hand of the Lord has been manifest in nearly everything.  We are blessed, a wee bit stressed but blessed.